Marriage...?

Okay ladies, I'm not trying to offend anyone here but what is the big deal about getting married before you get pregnant? Don't get me wrong- my boyfriend and I have been together almost 5 years and we defiantly plan on getting married.. but wouldn't care if we got pregnant first. I understand the religious aspect of it... I am fairly religious (I believe in God, but don't follow the bible) but what about those of us who aren't? What about couples who do not believe that marriage is necessary if they're union is already strong enough? Seriously, in this day and age with divorce rates SO high... I just feel like bashing someone for having a baby out of wedlock is... pointless. If you love each other does it REALLY matter?





I'm just aggravated- I went to the docs today for a follow up from my miscarriage and when the doctor gave me a weird look after I told her we'd be trying to have a baby in the next couple months after she asked if I was married and I said no... I wanted to punch herMarriage...?
Because without the marriage vows the commitment is not there. Like it or not.





With the matrimony of marriage you commit yourself to each other and the children you plan to bring into the relationship. Without it there is no commitment for either of you to hold onto.





Call it old fashioned if you will but in the eyes of God it means a lot to make a vow to each other in marriage, for you, for your partner and for the children you plan to have.





While you may not see marriage as permanent, with the commitment you entrust yourself to work on the marriage. It does not work just because you say it will. You have to work at it everyday.





Consider your child. This child deserves a mother and a father in the eyes of God. Not a boyfriend and girlfriend.





Life is what you make it, you can make it good or bad, your choice. But if you plan to have children they deserve more than your stubborn ways.Marriage...?
you do what ever makes you happy.


tell that doctor too kiss your a..


i had my son before i got married and I'm not one bit sorry for it.


i married his father 6 yrs later.
There's no point in taking it personally. Each person has their own sets of values and they aren't always very open-minded when people differ from their own ideas. It would be the same if you were a white girl dating a black guy... some people have a problem with that. Or if you were a gay couple trying to have a baby... some people have a problem with that, too.





I agree with you. What's the big freaking deal? I don't see it. I am very open-minded. I say, do whatever is right for YOU, not everybody else. Who cares if people give you goofy looks? They'd give you a goofy look if you chose to wear a pink skirt with an orange polka dotted blouse, too! Or if you dyed your hair purple. Everybody has their own ideas of what is acceptable.





You can't control other peoples perceptions. Do what makes you happy!
Like it or not marriage isn't permanent. We like to think it is...but it isn't. If your not ready to commit to something impermanent (IE - marriage) what exactly makes you ready to commit to something permanent (IE - Parenthood)?
go to a different doctor, doctors should not judge...its ur body ur decision. Who cares. People are going to be judging anyways just be happy with what u do and ur beliefs!
I completely agree with you. If you are in love and committed then the marriage ceremony its self all it does is change your title and give you a piece of paper. I also recently lost a baby and a person I barely know kept telling me I am going to hell for sinning and conceiving that child. A friend of mine is from europe and her parents have been together for 30 years and she is 22 years old but they didn't get married until she was ten and that was only to move to america. And they are more committed then anyone else I have ever sseen and for over half of their relationship they werent married.
Dude my fiance and I are the same way. We've been together forever and we already consider ourselves married. We are both curch goers and out pastor says that we are married in God's eyes but the actual ceremony is important to Him. Something like that anyway. We plan on getting married, just not in a rush and if a kid comes along, what's the big deal??? It's not like you aren't really married in your hearts already!!!!!!!
I agree with u on this.. It's true what's the point in getting married and losing the whole relationship when two people are just as happy as a married couple already and as far as the pregnancy part as long as the child will get all the love and all his needs are fulfilled than it's not a problem...
I think it's totally up to you and screw everyone else. The people are judging you because they feel it is their job to do so when it's not their job and not their business.
I've been happily unmarried for 12 years now.
I think it's more of a question of commitment these days than religion. If you are going to have a child together, get married, make a home kinda thing. Having a child is a much bigger commitment than getting married. Maybe that's why people looked at you funny.
You are gonna find people like that everywhere... I smoke ciggarettes... I took my daughter to the doctor's office and the doctor (old woman) came in and she was like ';Oh my God! Do you SMOKE??! I can smell it on you!'; and of course I was like yup, sure do... she said well don't you ever smoke around your baby... I gave her a dirty look and said excuse me?? Then she continued to tell me that I shouldn't smoke around her if we cared for her at all and how bad it was and finally I had to interrupt her annoying lecture and told her that I didn't need a preacher and she needed to back out of my personal life and do her job... she looked at me like she was in shock that I would talk to her like that. She shut her mouth tho.





I believe in God too... and--the sex before marriage thing (and smoking for that matter) and all that BUT like you I don't follow it either, even tho I understand the point. I'm not ready to be a ';Christian'; and follow every rule, even the ones I agree with. I have a daughter who was born out of wed lock and I am not with her daddy either. I have had a lot of comments about it... especially when I tell people that my boyfriend isn't her biological dad.





Don't worry bout nobody but you, your boyfriend, and the baby you are trying to conceive. No one else matters.
Baby girl, a baby wont make a marriage work or not work, their are people who get married and as soon as the baby comes they get a divorce and there are some who have a baby thinking they will get married and it never happens. Both a baby and a marriage take up a lot of time and a lot of work. So if neither one of you are ready leave it alone, I am a Christian woman and i probably should not say this but you are you and no one can live your life for you. You know what the bible says and its your choice if you want to follow it or not. We all have to answer for what we do on earth one day and if you feel like having a baby out of wedlock then you know that you will have to answer God for that if its right or wrong for every body else we don't have a Heaven or Hell to put you in so dont worry about any body else and what they think because we all have fallen short of Gods glory in one way or another.
IN SOME STATES YOU ARE ALREADY MARRIED IT IS CALLED COMMON LAW ,SO IF YOU WONTED GET MARRIED TO SOME ONE ELSE YOU WOULD HAVE TO GET DIVORCED
I am not a lady, but maybe I can help answer your question.


Our society is 70 some percent christian. Most, if not all christian churches hold to the teaching that a child born out of wedlock is considered a bastard child. This is not seen as a good thing... so most people wonder why you would want to have a child with someone that you are not willing to marry? I have a sister who had a child with her first husband after her second husband had died. They live together and are considered married by the state by common law because they have been together for more than 7 years under the same roof, but they never wanted to get re-married. She was 42 when she had my niece. My parents had a hard time with it at first, but the rest of us didn't think to much about it one way or the other. I am sure that God doesn't care as long as you are committed to each other for life and are not insincere in your committment. The priest, judge, or minister is just a witness to your marriage anyways... it's god's blessing that is desired in matrimony anyways... if you are committed in your hearts, god will know and I am sure he will give you that same sacrimental blessing even if you don't get married in the church. The stigmatism of the different name than your dad or mom as the case may be is still out there though, and parents should give a little consideration to what their kids will have to endure because of their lack of ability to step up to the plate and accept the normal practices of our society and just go along! Why is that such a big deal to do anyway?
dont need papers or a ring to let us know who we want to spend our life with an for those who look at us diff. well they can cram it i wouldnt want to marry just because i got pregnant we had our kids first but it changed when we said i do was most happy before now hate marriage with a passion but think the world of him i think if you dont want to get married before please do not it could ruin everything seems it did for us
I think most people, including myself, think that if you can't commit to marriage with the person whom you're having a baby with, are you guys really committed to staying together. Lots of people raise kids in a single parent household and the kids end up just fine but of course it's better if it's a two parent household. To each his own though. Just because I think people should be married before having kids doesn't mean that it wont work out fine for people who aren't married, it's really just a person's personal beliefs.
wow .....thats alot to handle and i dont think it really matters no matter if ya are married or not like ya said the deviorse rate is high.... plus its not like pple havent had babies without marriage before and its not like single parent hood is uncommon and who cares if pple think its not godly before marriage thats there oppion on it and well thats not there problem or desison at all... any way good luck with having a baby and srry u didnt get to punch the doctor or who ever it was ..... lol
The biggest downfall for having a child out of wedlock is the surname in my opinion. Whose surname will you use? Then will you call the child a double barrelled name when married? To be honest though it doesn't really matter if you, your partner and child are happy
Franky, I don't care what people do. As long as you can take of the kid, you go ahead and have as many kids out of ';wedlock'; as you want. It's really no skin off my back (I'm not religious, and I don't care).





But, I just think it's funny when you all claim your relationship is so ';strong'; that you don't need to be married. If it were so strong, wouldn't you not be afraid to get married at all? I sure as hell know I wouldn't share half my chromosomes with someone if I'm not willing to sign a piece of paper. You can get divorced. You can't give back kids you make with someone you might end up easily breaking up with 5 years down the line.





Keep in mind though, this is just me we are talking about. I'd just rather commit to a marriage I can get out of before I commit to kids I can't. You do whatever you want to though. Good luck.
I see your point about people having children who are in stable relationships but not married. The problem is when the couple is not stable. It is selfish to bring an innocent baby into a situation where the child may end up without a mom/dad in their lives every day (if the couple splits, or have an on/off relationship). With that being said, many married couples are not stable enough to be parents either %26amp; many marriages with kids involved will end in divorce. But I think when the couple is married they are sort of proving that they have every intention of staying together %26amp; creating a stable, safe environment for a child to grow up in without a lot of turmoil causing problems in their kids' lives. Also in the case with unwed couples, many times it is unplanned pregnancy. At least going into marriage *most people* discuss children %26amp; how they would be raised, etc.
Let me ask you this: If you really love each other, then why not get married? If your love for one another is so strong, what are you waiting for? Marriage is a sign of your commitment to one another.





If you plan to stay together for the rest of your lives, then what are you waiting for... get married!!! If you are having doubts, or don't want to get married because divorce rates are really high, and you think you might one day want to get a divorce, then don't have kids!!! Divorce is not an option. With child raising, kids need the security of knowing their parents will always be there for them.. TOGETHER.





So, I say, do it! Get married and try for another baby :) Best of wishes to you!
Money. Marriage gets you Alimony. Otherwise all you get is child support.
Wedding or no wedding, that's entirely up to you. Vows to stay together, forever in good times and bad times, to be loyal, supportive and loving, PRIOR to having a baby? ABSOLUTELY ESSENTIAL! If you are still ascertaining whether the relationship is strong enough to last and not end in divorce, why are you contemplating a child? Be sure, make a commitment, (formal or informal) then try for children. Unfortunately some people see marriage as the only form of commitment. Try a little tolerance.