Do people think marriage counselors come out of a box or what?

Like they came straight from the Marriage Counselor Factory or something. Every one of them will have a different style of assessing and a different delivery based on their education, life experience and personalities. So why do people always use the worn out retort, ';We tried marriage counseling. It didn't work.';? Can people with that level of understanding ever be expected to weather a lifelong commitment that inherently challenges their patience?Do people think marriage counselors come out of a box or what?
You sure hit this one on the mark. When I was earning my degree I ran into some real difficulty just chosing which ';type'; of psychology I adhered to, finally settling on behaviorism with a touch of Rogerian theory thrown in. This is what made sense to ME. Many of my classmates stuck strictly to the fruedian theories, the jungian theories, .....blah blah blah.....there are so many theries and so many different ways to practice psychology that I can't even begin to put them all here.





So if a person or a couple go to one counselor that isn't a good fit for them or seems unable to help them in a way that makes sense, the person or couple needs to find a different counselor. Sometimes it is necessary to try 3 or 4 before finding the one that can work with you.





The other problem is that in this era of instant gratification, couples think that they will go for a 2 or 3 sessions and the magic of the counselor will fix all their problems. This is not the case. It usually takes yeara of problems before the couple seeks help, this is not going to go away in a month! It is a commitment to change and a commitment to hard work. Few are really willing to make that commitment.Do people think marriage counselors come out of a box or what?
No professional comes out of a box. Not lawyers or doctors, either. We all are informationally bombarded today but still need to be informed consumers.





If one marriage counselor isn't working, find another one.





Advice to husbands: Go with her, even if you think it's ';her problem.'; Much of the counseling out there now for wives is based on assertiveness training and well, I don't have a great opinion of that.
Well I certainly didn't come out of a box.





But, honestly, I tell my patients the most important thing when it comes to a counselor is to find someone you connect with. If it isn't clicking, try a different one. We all have different specialties, different areas of expertise, different approaches. I specialize in infidelity couples counseling, so that's my area of expertise. I can work wonders for couples in that area, but when it comes to something like family issues, I might not always be the best person. Of course we try to educate ourselves enough in order to eliminate bias, become well rounded so we can approach all topics, etc., but it's a matter of finding the right counselor for you and for your needs. Not all counselors are created equal. And of course some get multiple degrees and a good education, others, not so much. And after that some have 10 years experience and some have 2 years experience. It really depends, and it's really a matter of finding the right fit. I know I'm a great counselor, but I've had couples who were unable to benefit from counseling with me as well. I've had to refer them to other counselors. It happens. You have to find what's right for you, and if it isn't clicking after a few sessions, then it's time to look around for a new counselor.
I went to marriage conseling 5 times. Its does not work for me. Its stupid and depressing. However, my marriage conselor was a fine white woman, wearing a very short dress and flashing, so it was very hard for me to concentrate on the marriage matters. Jesus! I have a fine marriage conselor woman. Big time! Very super sexy!
People don't think that. They're just narrow-minded and cynical.





Kinda like the kids on the playground who love shouting ';I told you so';





They just want to believe their own words, and by saying ';we tried ... doesn't work'; it just reinforces their own cynicism.
'Go to counceling' is the standard advice as if it is the 'fix' to your problems. I really hate that advice.
I guess it makes some people fill better when they can say, we tried we went to a marriage counselor.
ask my mum and dad because they were married for about 60 years+. me and my parent are one in a million good people and a decent human been with a gold hearted!
there are alot of people who hate their doctors and don't realize that if their personalities don't match, they have the right to change to a new doctor





a marriage counselor is just another type of doctor


and if one marriage counselor's approach is not helpful, then by all means they should try someone else





I agree completely with you


many people do not understand the level of commitment they made


and many people would just prefer to take the ';easy'; way out rather than to honor their vows ';in good times and in bad';





its a sad truth


I've worked with the Humane Society for a long time and I've actually encountered people I work with whom would put more effort forth into keeping their dog when it has a behavioral problem, and more effort forth into correcting that behavioral problem, than they would put forth into their marriage and their relationship with their spouse...weird that people could be more committed to a dog than to their spouse, huh?


(don't get me wrong, I believe in pets for life, but I still am more committed to my husband than I am to my fur-babies!)